top of page

2023 LGBTQIA+ June Pride Month: Dealing with ED & Penis Size Insecurities

LGBTQ+ men dealing with ED and penis size insecurities

What's up everyone! It's Rich, and today we want to talk a little bit about LGBTQIA+ Pride Month and why reproductive health is important. On top of it being Pride month, it is also men’s health awareness month and we’d like to take a moment and talk about sexual health and bring up some awareness regarding the LGBTQ+ community dealing with ED and penis size insecurities.

Disclaimer/Important Message:

Our platform ( is open to all communities including LGBTQ+. We realize that some of the terminology we review from recent studies (and other research) may or may not pertain to certain individuals today as we now have preferred pronouns and/or are more gender fluid/expressive when it comes to our gender and non-gender identities. As society continues to evolve and new terminology comes out, we’re going to try our best to provide better information as it comes. We’d also like for everyone to join in on the conversation, especially about sexual health and your challenges so that your voice can be heard, too. Our platform wants to promote a safe and constructive space so that we all can become more knowledgeable about sexual health.

This way, we can tackle our sexual health issues together. BDEStyle is about positive masculine coding energy. It’s the opposite of toxic masculinity. Our definition aligns with its origination (with Anthony Bourdain...RIP) who fought against older ideologies about masculinity (patriarchy) and people who oppressed women. BDE is a positive affirmation about having confidence with oneself in both an emotionally intelligent way and a physical way, too. Since sexual health issues are usually tied to our self esteem and confidence, staying informed with a positive attitude and perspective will help push you in the right direction, so you can take control of your sexual health.

If we didn’t touch on a certain topic or you feel that a certain section isn’t stated correctly, please email for more information.

Understanding Erectile Dysfunction within the LGBTQ+ Community

Erectile dysfunction is when someone, gay, bi, trans, queer, heterosexual/straight, or anyone else with a penis is unable to get or keep an erection long enough to have a satisfying sexual experience. This can happen due to a number of things including physical, mental, medical, and others.

To give you an idea, ED can stem from:

  • Physical trauma, such as an injury or damage to ones nerves (neurological ED)

  • Psychological ED, such as having performance anxiety

  • Diseases and health conditions such as heart disease, endothelial dysfunction, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.

  • Taking medications such as beta blockers

  • Bad lifestyle choices, such as heavy drinking, smoking and/or drugs

  • And many others

These are all ways that anyone can develop ED, however, for someone in the LGBTQ+ community, there are some additional reasons.

gay man celebrating pride month

Different Causes for ED in LGBTQ+ Men

In addition to the some of the causes of ED above, for LGBTQ+ men, there are specific stresses (other psychological specific causes) that they can experience that could lead to ED that an otherwise "straight" cis-gendered male would not.

These are:

  1. Homophobia

  2. Heteronormativity

  3. Minority

Let’s quickly touch on each of these.

1. Homophobia Stress that Leads to ED

This would be something that doesn’t happen during sexual encounters. Rather this is a mental and emotional feeling that comes from personal and societal reasons.

Although this type of stress was more prevalent decades ago, in 2023, there is still some resistance, confusion and phobia, especially for those who are not quite ready to explore or be fully expressive about their sexuality. And because of this, some LGBTQ men might not be able to fully immerse themselves right away in sex as they may still have doubts about expressing themselves, which can lead to anxiety induced ED.

2. Heteronormativity Stress that Leads to ED

There is a huge misconception and misunderstanding that being straight is “normal”. It's called Heteronomativity, or thinking that heterosexuality is the "preferred" / assumed way of what is "standard".

Although society has made some improvement for changing this "standard" there is still a prevalence of heteronormativity in the mainstream media that leaves some LGBTQ fearful of expressing themselves. LGBTQ men who want to express themselves find it harder to be open about themselves because they have family members who have opposing views, they're stuck in a conservative/religion who still opposes it, or they fear if they do express themselves, they'll be treated as not "normal".

If you grow up in an environment where this is constantly in your face, it can lead to negative thoughts and feelings about your own preferences and views. Which again can lead directly to how you feel and perform in the bedroom.

There are other instances like during sex where heteronormativity stress may lead to some men , might feel it's not normal to do so.

3. Minority Stress that Leads to ED

Lastly, we have minority stress. Which as you can see, both homophobia and heteronomativity can lead to minority stress. If you’re experiencing this, it can lead to many negative thoughts such as:

  • Am I safe in this environment

  • Can I hold hands or kiss in public

  • The unknown of how people will react around you

gay man dealing with Penis Size Insecurities

These all impact the mental well-being of a person and ED is very much connected to your mental state. It’s not the only thing that can lead to ED, but it can play a huge part and cause it directly.

These are all things that will develop and change a person if you grow up around them. It can challenge mindsets, core values, and beliefs, and it can create a strong vulnerability when feeling the slightest insecurity.

If you’re in a sexual scenario, and you start to feel insecure due to whatever reason, it could trigger that vulnerability and your fight or flight. Which would prevent you from getting it up or staying hard long enough to have intercourse.

Understanding Erectile Dysfunction within the Bi Men Community

Within the LGBTQ community, one of the largest self-identified group are bisexual individuals. Which is why we need to bring up and talk about erectile dysfunction within the Bi community.

Bisexuals can very much experience homophobia, biphobia, and other types of prejudice or discrimination. In addition to that, they can also experience what is called monosexism. Monosexism is the belief that individuals are only heterosexual, lesbian, or gay.

bisexual man dealing with ED

Experiencing any kind of prejudice or discrimination can lead to mental breakdowns, and emotional breakdowns, and eventually have a toll on your overall mental health and state. Risks for mental disorders, suicide, and mental abuse are much higher among bisexual-identified men than among heterosexual men.

Lastly, these can shove a person to social isolation, even from lesbian and gay groups. Which can create what is called bi-erasure (disregarding the existence of bisexuality).

As we've mentioned many times before it other discussions, a person's sexual arousal and erection is very much tired to the mental state of an individual. Within the bi-community specifically, you can see where an individual could develop thoughts much like we had mentioned before:

  • Am I safe in this setting

  • Do I belong here

  • Am I good enough

  • What are people saying about me

And much like we mentioned before, thoughts of insecurities, self-worth, performance, and the fear of the unknown when engaging sexually, will have an effect on your sexual desire arousal, and whether you can get or keep an erection.

Understanding Erectile Dysfunction within the Transgender Community

First and foremost, never assume that someone will go through with surgery or will opt for hormone therapy. It's best to understand what are your goals and expectations for sex if you do plan on going through with surgery or not. Sexual problems in transgender persons can be trans specific or not. General principles in sexual medicine apply to both cisgender and transgender persons, but knowledge and information are not always created equal.

Now, It's fairly common for transgender men and transgender women to receive some form of hormone therapy. This can be a very important step in the transition process. Transgender men will use exogenous testosterone for example to suppress feminine characteristics while also increasing testosterone levels to improve male characteristics.

Whether an individual is seeking to suppress or strengthen testosterone levels, estrogen levels, or another hormone to help reach their goals, hormone therapy is often tailored to a person's goals and medical history.

However, once an individual begins with hormone therapy and their body begins to adjust to the hormone changes, it can have an effect on not just sexual desire but result in fewer erections as well... which could eventually lead to erectile dysfunction because an imbalance in hormones, the stress of the transition process and other factors as well.

We understand that hormone therapy can be very costly and not readily available for the transgender community.

Treating Sexual Performance Issues In Men Of All Communities

As with treating anything, the first thing that you need to do is find the root of the cause. Finding the root cause of what could be causing your erectile dysfunction is key. What is having an effect on your erections and what can be changed to help.

Making lifestyle changes is going to be one of the "keys" in order to fully attain and re-attain hardness in the bedroom, or maintain performance for the years to come.

But you still have to address the mental health challenges that can either make you prevail or fail in the bedroom. I'm not a mental health professional to give you advice, but seeking counseling is not as scary as it sounds. At the end of the day, you should feel psychologically safe and feel unapologetically you.

Addressing Mental Health And Finding Your Space

Since most of the fears and beliefs around sexual performance start "shaping" at at early age, it's important to find the right spaces so you can connect with others experiencing similar issues and so that you can navigate them.

  • Q Chat Space is a good resource for teens as this age range is more susceptible to traumas and toxic social learning environment growing up. Q Chat space keeps the trolls out and has facilitators that help navigate the conversations for our youth.

  • The Trevor project is another fantastic resource for our youth ages 13-24 giving the support and education to individuals about mental health, identities, sexual orientation, and more.

  • The LGBTQ Youth space is a community drop-in center providing support groups, art workshops, social events, activism and leadership opportunities, safer sex supplies/condoms, drop-in peer counseling, individual counseling, case management, and psychiatry to Santa Clara County resident youth and young adults ages 13-25.

  • Human Rights Campaign is another good source that acknowledges the lack of sex education in schools and lack of inclusivity. They have many resources on their website.

For "grown" or older LGBTQ+ adults

  • LGBTQ Colorado offers support for all ages.

  • Here are some resources for LGBTQ adults and adults with disabilities.

  • The Venture Out Project envisions a world where queer, trans, and LGBTQ+ youth and adults create community, develop leadership skills, and gain confidence through the shared experience of outdoor adventure and physical activity. (looks fun and liberating)

  • Outcare Health is a good resource, but also a doctor "finder"

***These lists are not exhaustive. But they are good examples for you to find other platforms and spaces.

gay man with erectile dysfunction

Treating Sexual Performance Issues At-home

In addition to the lifestyle changes that target the core causes of sexual issues in men and individuals with penises, using Li-ESWT (low intensity shockwave therapy) can also benefit some men in the LGBTQ+ community. For instance, men who identify as gay, bi or queer are not invulnerable to the health conditions and diseases like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, etc. that causes sexual decline. Li-ESWT at-home or with a doctor can help reverse the decline so that you can perform at your best.

If you ask us, this potential treatment option is another alternative than your typical pill, injectable (trimix), cockrings and other archaic methods that are more invasive to the body. Li-ESWT can be done at a local men's health clinic with a quick Google search. But if you prefer a cost friendly and easier option, we recommend The Phoenix Li-ESWT device.

The Phoenix is the first of its kind that can be used at home, without a doctor's approval, and without spending every dime you have on it. It’s an at home treatment that has a 94% success rate and is much cheaper!

the phoenix

Understanding Penis Sizes within the Gay Community

Much like what we just discussed with sexual performance issues and decline, there are many insecurities within the gay community surrounding penis size. Although the gay scene is often stereotyped as very outgoing and joyful, there is also plenty of body shaming and rejection, just like there is within almost any community.

Needless to say, these types of experiences can have a great effect on you. It also can make you feel like you must be perfect, and if not, then you are not worth anything... including love.

In addition to that, there is penis size comparison. Unlike a straight person, when you are with your partner, they also have a penis. It can be hard for anyone not to compare. Which if you're smaller than your partner and/or you have insecurities about your size, it can lead to thoughts such as:

  • “am I big enough to be a top”

  • “Will it satisfy them enough”

  • “Am I attractive enough”

Having these types of thoughts running through your mind and thinking that you must always be perfect, can cause you to panic and trigger negative thoughts. All of this pressure can easily lead someone to lose or not even attain a full erection.

Improving Penis Sizes for Gay and Bi Men

A survey done by LGBTHERO on 566 gay and bi men, shows some interesting statistics related to their penis sizes.

  • 38% of them said their penis size gives them anxiety

  • 16% of them said they received derogatory comments about their penis size

  • 22% of them were rejected due to their penis size

  • 21% of them said they have suffered from erectile dysfunction

two gay men talking about penis size

As you can see there are quite a lot of concerns within the gay community surrounding penis size. Which is understandable and more normal than you may have thought.

Regardless of your penis size, huge or tiny, if you do want to increase your penis size, you do have some options!

The Bathmate

The first one is The Bathmate Penis Pump. I’m sure that you’ve heard of a penis pump before, but The Bathmate is the one that has been proven time and again for all men to increase penis size.

the bathmate penis pump

With that being said, it's not a get huge quick device. If you want your penis to grow 3 inches overnight, well I hate to break it to you, but that's the wrong mindset.

It takes time to see results and you have to follow through with the whole process with the right tools and a routine to see a difference. If you’re interested in learning more about it, I recommend taking a look at a full Bathmate Review.

The Phallason Forte

The other option is The Phallason Forte penis stretching device. The Phallason Forte is the ultimate lazy man’s penis enlargement device. If you want to get a larger penis without putting much effort into it, this is for you.

the phallosan forte penis enlargement device

It has over 20 years of clinical research and thousands of reviews and proven results from users. It helps to increase both girth and length by working out your penis through extension and resistance.

By wearing the device over time, it can improve your blood flow and circulation. If you’re interested in this device, I recommend reading over our full Phallason Forte Review.

There are many ways that you can naturally grow your penis size, you just need to choose the best one for you!

Erectile Dysfunction, Sexual Performance Anxieties & Penis Sizes

By bringing awareness around erectile dysfunction and penis size insecurities, and talking about it more, we can strive to help more and more people out in all communities (LGBTQ+) that struggles with these issues!

Whatever it may be that you’re struggling with, there are options out there for you and you’re not alone. Hopefully, this article will help to bring more awareness to it as a "preliminary" conversation. If you are interested in learning more about anything we discussed, feel free to leave a comment below or to reach out to us here at BDE Style.

This blog and website is here to help and to let you know that you’re not alone!

45 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page