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Performance Anxiety: How to Reclaim Your Sexual Confidence

Updated: May 30, 2023

man with Performance Anxiety from ED

In a previous article, we discussed how the nervous system controls sexual performance and erectile dysfunction. We learned that when we’re in perceived danger or under considerable stress, our sympathetic nervous system kicks into action and diverts blood flow from less essential parts of the body such as the penis, and sends it to the muscles needed to get us out of danger.

We also touched on how this can cause real problems in the bedroom. When we’re stressed or anxious, it can make getting it up challenging.

Today we’re going to discuss those mood-killing feelings further and talk about performance anxiety. It’s something that many guys experience and can leave us limp, bewildered, upset, and feeling as though we may never have successful sex again.

There is a way out of the black hole of performance anxiety. In this guide, we’ll talk you through some of the steps you can take to reclaim your confidence and overcome the anxiety that could potentially ruin your sex life.

What Is Performance Anxiety?

Performance anxiety comes about when you’re feeling self-conscious about your ability to please your partner sexually. This may stem from a feeling of inadequacy about the size of your penis, it may come from worries about how attractive you are, or it could relate to your general sexual abilities.

Performance Anxiety in bed

You may have failed to get it up once or twice. This could have been down to stress or having too much to drink. However, worries about erections can return whenever you find yourself in a future sexual situation.

While it may all be in your head, performance anxiety is a very real and serious concern, and it’s something you shouldn’t feel any shame about. It’s something that affects lots of guys, and it’s definitely possible to overcome it.

If brushed under the rug, performance anxiety could lead to sexual anorexia or even erectile dysfunction. Performance anxiety can also be confused with ED oftentimes, so it's important to find out which one you are experiencing, performance anxiety or ED.

What Is Sex Avoidance and Sexual Anorexia?

One unfortunate and extreme side effect of having long-term issues around performance anxiety is the chance of developing sexual anorexia. This is a form of sex avoidance.

While it may be hard to imagine, sex avoidance can be a very real problem that lots of guys face. So much so, that the condition is recognized by the American Psychological Association as Sexual Aversion Disorder.

Sex Avoidance and Sexual Anorexia from fear over time

When the anxiety associated with sex such as the worry that you’re not going to be able to sustain an erection or please your partner builds up, this can make you fearful of sexual encounters. Over time, these fears can cause you to avoid sexual encounters completely.

In much the same way as anorexics shun food, sexual anorexics shun sexual contact. In milder cases, you may be able to enjoy the act of sex when it has been initiated by a partner, but you may not be able to initiate sex yourself. In extreme cases, it can lead to denying any sexual advances from your partner, and even kissing may be off the table.

CBT for Performance Anxiety

Fighting performance anxiety can be a challenge, however, there is ways to beat it. Perhaps one of the best ways of addressing the problem is through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This type of therapy can be particularly useful for reprogramming unhelpful thinking.

Through talking with a therapist, you’ll be able to identify the thought processes that lead to your worries taking over your ability to perform in the bedroom. By doing this, you’ll be able to put plans into place that can help you think differently.

CBT for Performance Anxiety

Sensate Focus Touching Exercises

Sensate focus is a touching exercise that a specialist sex therapist may recommend to couples that are affected by performance anxiety. Through the act of gently touching and being touched, you can build back towards full intercourse gradually.

The aim is to get you to focus on the experience. This can be very useful in allowing you to be present with your partner, instead of being in your head worrying about your penis.

Massage Your Partner

Instead of starting foreplay all-guns-blazing, start off gently by massaging your partner. By focusing on their experience, you’ll be able to put your fears to the back of your mind.

couple massage for better sex performance

Starting sex in this gentle way will help take away some of the pressure. You may even want to hold off on the possibility of full sex and just move on to erotic touching or oral sex instead.

Use oil, light candles, and play some soft music to really ensure the atmosphere is perfect for the moment. Do some reading up first, and make sure you put their experience first.

Breathing Exercises

Breathing is a great way to keep anxiety at bay. When you control your breathing, it increases the flow of oxygen to the brain Remember the parasympathetic nervous we talked about previously, well deep breathing activates that, restoring you to a natural sense of calm.

The trick is to breathe in slowly over the count of four and breathe out over the count of five. Repeat this a few times and it’ll help clear your mind and relax your body.

Practice Mindful Masturbation

Masturbating your anxiety away may seem like an odd way to deal with it, but it really can help you reconnect with your penis and encourage your erections in a calming manner.

By masturbating without using porn through the practice of solo cultivation, you’ll be able to better connect to your feelings of arousal and learn to stay focused during sex. Mindful masturbation is all about slowing down and re-learning how your body reacts to touch.

Use The Phoenix, Bathmate, or Phallosan Forte For More Confidence

If the size of your penis or your ability to "get it up" are what’s causing your performance anxiety, take the bull by the horns and do something about it.

The Bathmate and Phallosan Forte are both great devices that will, over time, enhance the size of your manhood.

The Phoenix is an acoustic wave device

The Phoenix is an acoustic wave device that improves sexual performance and makes it easier to "get it up". By using this device for at least 12 treatments, you could enjoy better sex and not have to worry about whether you'll be able to "rise" to the occasion.

Regaining confidence in your penis will help quash your performance anxiety. We call gaining confidence big dick energy. You take control of your sex life and issues relating to sex and take them head-on with solutions that will help make you a better man in and out of the bedroom.

Reclaim Your Sexual Confidence Today

Performance anxiety doesn’t have to be the nail in the coffin for your sex life. You can overcome it. By addressing your thought processes, how you touch your partner and start sex, and by using one or more of the tools designed to help you fine-tune your equipment, you can beat this affliction and enjoy a healthy sex life again.

To learn more about The Bathmate, Phallosan Forte, or The Phoenix, and how they can enhance your sex life, check out the rest of our blog!

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