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Stop Misusing The Term “Big Dick Energy”: Here’s The Real Definition

Updated: May 30, 2023

man with “Big Dick Energy”

What’s up, everyone? It’s Rich. Today I want to talk about the origins behind the phrase big dick energy (BDE). Why? Because some people still don’t understand it and are constantly misusing it every day.

I’m sick and tired of people assuming that it means a guy has a big dick. News flash it’s not about the size of your penis, it’s about the mindset. Both men and women are taking the term too far and saying it’s problematic to society today.

Let’s go back in time together to when big dick energy became so popular. We’ll also talk about if it’s still a thing today and what the true definition is.


Disclaimer on stereotypes, sexism, society, etc.

BDEStyle’s Disclaimer: I understand that this post may bring up certain controversial topics about society today (in the past, or in the future). My goal is to bring more awareness. My personal opinions shared below are not to be misused if shared elsewhere. We’re all entitled to our opinions and I’m also open to new viewpoints.

If you comment below, this is a safe space to share your opinion, so long as it doesn’t hurt, harm or undermine anyone else (Which I can imagine would be hard for anyone to do… just try to be constructive and nice towards others). BDEStyle is all about learning new things and listening to others. Thank you.

- Rich


The True Origins Of The Phrase “Big Dick Energy”

If you think BDE started because of a tweet Ariana Granda posted in 2018 about her ex-fiance Pete Davidson’s penis being “big”, then you’re way off target and are probably in the same boat as many other men and women.

It was actually first referenced to Anthony Bourdain, an icon of our generation and one of the earliest allies of the #MeTOO movement.

Anthony Bourdain with big dick energy

Some people knew him as a well-known celebrity chef while others knew him as someone who took responsibility for toxic masculinity and called out his friends over the years for it. Anthony was like a needle in the haystack. In the late 2000s, the “me too” movement started and he looked at himself, the industry, and the systematic culture and stood up to the public by using his voice and platforms to do so.

And just so you know, not everyone did this and just stood by like bystanders…

He even addressed meathead culture and how they misinterpreted his book (a confessional) called “Kitchen Confidential”. In an interview, he exclaimed ‘To what extent in that book did I provide validation to meatheads?’

Ariana Grande

Anthony Bourdain was the type of guy who exudes big dick energy. Unfortunately, it was because of his death that led to the start of the concept behind big dick energy, which is

an aura or vibe that is an emotional attribute rather than a physical one. It’s the way someone carries themselves with confidence without the cockiness part. It’s the complete opposite of someone with toxic masculinity traits.

@imbobswaget coined the term and then soon after, Ariana Grande broke the internet by sharing a tweet of her looking at her fiance (at the time) with a lollipop in her mouth saying he had big dick energy (referring to his penis size).

This is when it became so popular.

Toxic Masculinity And Toxic Femininity Behaviors Affects Us All

For starters, I’m all for equality (feminism), destroying the walls around gender roles, putting an end to sexual assault, etc. I’m glad that we continue to evolve for the better and not for the worse. But, we STILL have a long way to go.

Now, I want to address toxic masculinity. It’s a concept used by certain groups of people that “manliness” perpetuates domination, homophobia, and aggression. It’s not just about the behavioral traits, but the extreme pressure some men may feel to act in a way that is actually harmful to themselves (mentally/physically) and to society.

For example, not going to a doctor because they think it exhibits weakness. Another example would be ignoring mental health and self-care because it’s not considered a “manly” thing to do. Other examples could include being a bystander when they see something like sexual assault and not intervening.

Toxic masculinity is a harmful concept that puts men in constricting boxes and can be harmful to those in newer generations if this mindset is passed down.

toxic masculinity

Just like toxic masculinity, there is also something called toxic femininity too. It’s not just men telling men to toughen up. There are some women who are still constricted to the patriarchal mindset and will do what it takes to better themselves by competing against other women or undermining others (men and women) along the way.

For example, body shaming others (men and women) or bringing down others for their gain or the gain of the patriarch.

Both continue to be problematic in society today because these behaviors are constantly destroying people’s self-esteem and confidence. It’s very unfortunate because confidence is often considered a “work in progress” and stuff like this can make any progress turn into regression and self-doubt.

Big Dick Energy Versus Toxic Masculinity

Big Dick Energy is NOT the same thing as toxic masculinity. Big dick energy is actually the opposite of toxic masculinity. It’s the type of symbolic energy where someone can be secure with talking about the insecurities we face in society today.

BDE Style Confidence without Cockiness

The concept has ALWAYS been with us. It’s the charisma and self-confidence to make others feel good and to feel good about oneself. BDE is all about celebrating masculine-coding energy that is constructive rather than toxic, and respectful rather than violent.

Toxic masculinity traits cannot coexist with traits of BDE.

Some people argue BDE can lead to toxic masculinity. But, we argue that this is not possible. If you choose to believe this term is problematic, it’s most likely because the term continues to be misused or is not understood to its roots. This is where people confuse the definition with physical attributes and not emotional attributes like we mentioned earlier making it problematic to others.

How People Are Misusing The Term Big Dick Energy

I’m a very avid reader and I once saw an article on Big Dick Energy that talked about its harm to society and how it can be degrading to men on their body parts (penis) and how it’s not funny to make a joke about it. His article was very “penis-centric” mainly talking about big dicks versus smaller ones.

Although I agree that equality shouldn’t mean that we have to undermine others or get back at others, he’s missing the point about the concept behind the meaning. I’m not going to mention his name because we are all entitled to our own opinions (and because his article is not worth the mention), but he clearly missed the target on the true origins of the term.

happy couple with no gender roles

Just like him, there are many other bloggers, articles, and people who started saying what they thought was big dick energy. Unfortunately, there are still some people that will tie the phrase to penis size and sexual prowess.

Now, let’s go back to Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande. They’re no longer together, but the damaging stereotype of tall men having a big dick was reinforced into so many people because of Ariana Grande that people think that’s why he’s with certain celebrities today.

I once had a friend who told me that he heard that the only reason why Kim Kardashian is with Pete Davidson is because he has a big dick. I literally wanted to slam my face into the wall after hearing that. And it’s not because of him saying it, but because of the poor information out there on the internet causing him to make that assumption.

It’s really sad in my opinion. But, this is where I see it being more of a “dickcentric” thing versus what it actually is supposed to mean. I see how people can get caught up with penis size and at the same time, I see how people can turn the term into an all-out gender war.

girl with big uterus energy

Some people have even created alternative phrases like big uterus energy, big vagina energy, small dick energy, etc. to enter the field to address other genders. Does that make it any better? Maybe, maybe not.

But, big dick energy is not something that is supposed to be sexist or support the patriarchal system and toxic masculinity. It’s not “phallocentric” as some might claim. Unfortunately, culture likes to tie words or phrases to describe different forms of masculine attributes. It’s the same way some of us like to use words or terms to define behaviors we identify with.

It is important to note that masculine energy or masculinity itself extends beyond penis size. We now live in 2022 where men are allowed to be multifaceted beings with varying degrees of masculine and feminine traits. The same goes for women.

Is Big Dick Energy Still A Thing Today?

The term Big Dick Energy has been around a lot longer than you think. The concept is what actually matters. The term “BDE” is just a placeholder for the concept.

If you consider all other factors mentioned earlier, Anthony Bourdain, feminism, toxic masculinity, toxic femininity, gender roles, and other societal pressures we face today, BDE is something we could really use right now because everyone seems to resonate with phrases and concepts that have positive affirmations.

BDE is positive energy.

BDEStyle’s Definition Of Big Dick Energy

Everyone has their own interpretation of BDE. But, we resonate with the true origin of the concept that started with Anthony Bourdain and how you can be empathetic and listen to others so you can make a positive change in life.

BDE is more about the emotional intelligence and confidence one carries. It’s about having the right attitude and not being a cocky douchebag. It’s very symbolic energy that comes in many forms. For some, it could mean self-confidence while for others it could be body confidence. BDEStyle advocates for sexual health and we aim to help others find the inner confidence to become more sexually confident.

in bed with bde symbolic energy

Most men and women are often scared to talk about sex and their insecurities because of older viewpoints (Toxic masculinity, Toxic Feminity, cultural expectations, poor sex education, etc.) The patriarch and other stoic mindsets are the reasons why we have these insecurities, to begin with.

At BDEStyle, you can take that fear and throw it out the window. This is where we CAN talk about it. You don’t have to feel judged or feel undermined for wanting to express your insecurities and wanting to address them head-on. It’s about being brave and finding your inner confidence to speak up about these topics, listen to others, and learn new things.

Big Dick Energy Is A Lifestyle (BDEStyle)

When you’re finding your inner confidence to be able to talk about these topics, you’re taking the first step to getting BDE.

Toxic masculinity is always referred to as the “meathead” or “alpha male” complex or people that overly exerted their dominance, are bystanders when it comes to sexual assault (or are the assaulter), and feel defensive when it comes to “equality” amongst genders. It’s where men feel that they’re not supposed to express themselves or show vulnerability otherwise they’ll be seen as less of a man.

man and woman

As we mainly dive into men’s sexual health and relationship topics on this site, these are common topics that men are afraid to talk about it as they think people will judge them or think they’re less of a man because they’re supposed to have their “shit” together. Even toxic femininity prevents open-minded men from being able to express these insecurities without judgment or appearing as less of a man.

Again Big dick energy is not about big dick competition. But, things like erectile dysfunction, penis size, sex, and relationships are all topics men SHOULD feel safe to express themselves (self-doubts) and to listen, learn and help raise awareness. No one is here to judge or undermine you. The common goal here is to uplift everyone's confidence in a constructive way that is positive.

For example, I had poor erections and sexual performance for years because of a blood flow issue in the valves of my penis. It took time for me to research and talk to the right people to figure out the problem and a solution. But, throughout the process, I fought against the pressures and stereotypes men have when it comes to sex. I was very open with those I slept with and always looked to not only educate myself but help others when it came to sex education.

On a side note: This is why I constantly say that The Phoenix acoustic wave device is considered Big dick energy because it helped me and a lot of other men out there "get it up" once again. The people who gave us this solution saw the frustration many of us had and gave us a better solution. To me, I think the creators of The Phoenix have major BDE for being awesome people.

the phoenix acoustic wave device

Most men are scared to talk about not being able to"get it up", especially their partners. Finding the courage to admit an issue like this and then address it head-on is a step towards getting BDE. By doing so you take control of your sexual health. At the same time, you’re letting go of an older mindset that talking about sexual performance issues is unmanly or that you’re seen as less of a man.

I invite you to join the conversation.

I Invite You To BDEStyle

Again, I’m not some kind of guru or expert on societal topics. I get this topic may be controversial to some, but don’t take it as an attack on being a man. I love being a man. We just need to look at our lives, reflect on ourselves and be open to feedback, so we can adjust for the better.

Comment below with your thoughts on men’s sexual health and other related topics. It’s okay to express yourselves. You no longer have to be afraid. BDEStyle is here to listen and grow with you.

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