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No Sex Drive After Having a Baby? A Fathers Perspective

Updated: May 31, 2023

tired father with no sex drive after having a baby

You’ve heard it before, especially after the first baby is born, “Not tonight, babe - I have a headache - I’m so tired - The next episode is about to start!" - Any excuse in the book other than to just say- I’M NOT HORNY!

But when you picture the person saying it, you’re probably picturing a female partner, aren’t you? The truth is we’ve been conditioned to see low libido as a women’s issue, but here’s the secret hiding in the proverbial closet…Post newborn, men lose libido too! Shocking right?

In fact, a 2019 study of over 12,000 men revealed that 1 in 20 men age 45 had experienced a loss of libido in their lifetime. But when the loss of libido is directly related to the incoming of a new baby, there are some factors you’ve probably overlooked.

So, we’re going to take a look from the Father’s perspective on why you might have no sex drive after a baby. Let’s get started.

Low Libido: What Does It Mean?

No sex drive, low libido, not horny… You’ve probably called your asexual elephant in the room many things… But do you know what it means?

man exhausted from having a baby and low libido

Libido is a person’s driving force for sexual appetite. Its motor depends on several components including hormones, brain function, mental state, and a general understanding of sexual intimacy and pleasure.

So, when we say that libido is lost it is because we can find it again! Just because you have low libido doesn’t mean you have erectile dysfunction, and vice versa, although the two often go hand in hand. Low libido affects everyone differently, especially men versus women.

Let’s take a look at some of the factors you need to consider.

Low Testosterone After A Baby

Okay, it’s pretty obvious your testosterone was working in full effect because you now have a babbling bundle of joy as the fruit of your labor… Well, hers really, but you get the point!

One study shows that serum testosterone levels increase drastically during ejaculation which might be what helps give your little swimmers the extra boost they need to make it to the finish line, but what about after the bun is baked?

Stress is a major component of low testosterone, and unless you’ve been living under a rock you know that baby = stress!

The first year is without question the hardest and all that stress can greatly affect the levels of testosterone your body is producing, and when the testosterone starts to drop… The libido is usually not slow to follow.

new father with newborn baby

Am I Just Unattracted to My Baby’s Mom?

In short… No. Studies show that while it was previously thought that Mother-focused things such as breastfeeding and postpartum vaginal issues might have caused a drop in libido for partners, however, that isn’t the case.

In fact, many men reported being more attracted to their partners during and directly after pregnancy. So, what’s the catch? In men surveyed the real reason was much more surface level… Exhaustion.

The libido loss wasn’t directly related to their physical attraction to their partner as much as it was their underlying thoughts that their partner, like them, was too tired for sex.

man with libido loss after having a baby

Although, it can’t be ignored that a whopping 60% of women feel unattractive and/or undesirable after childbirth which could put a mental strain on their libido as well as their spouse.

In a nutshell… pun intended… Attraction doesn’t appear to be the stronghold over a loss of libido after a baby, but it is important to remember that mental state can affect libido. Your mental state has a massive influence over your sex drive, so having a body-positive mindset is crucial.

Identifying Health Issues for Dads

Once a male has reached the age of 18 or 19 they're at their peak performance both inside and outside the bedroom. Generally, as a role as long as you are healthy and active, you'll see your performance and testosterone stay about the same for the next 10ish years.

However, after that, it's a slow decline in testosterone and then a steep drop off after the age of 50. However, that rough timeline isn't the same for everyone and there are many different factors and lifestyle choices that can speed up or slow it down.

For example, excessive smoking and drinking can have drastic effects on your performance in bed, and testosterone levels, among other serious health problems.

We're not just talking about testosterone here either though. Identifying many different types of health issues ahead of time and remedying them before it becomes a bigger issue is crucial for our health.

Which is why it is recommended to get regular lab testing. We get though, you don't feel like or you're too tough to get testing done or maybe you think you're healthy and don't need it.

Well, that couldn't be further from the case. Getting regular testing done should be a priority in your life and getting lab work has never been easier. With companies now offering online labs, you can get it sent right to your home without a referral or prescription from your doctor!

Health Labs offers 4500+ testing locations. So once you order your tests, you can go to a location that's near you, get your results, and they even offer a consult with a certified health expert. If you guys want to see a review of Health Labs and learn about the process, and how many different types of tests you can order online, you can check out our full review of Health Labs.

It's too easy to get this type of work done to skip out on it guys. Save yourself time, money, and your health!

How Do I Manage My Low Libido After a Baby?

If you’ve read any of our blogs, you know that there is no one size fits all solution. Men are variable… Our desires, drives, age, testosterone levels, etc. all need to be taken into account when managing low libido. So, what can you do?

First things first, give yourself a break! Stress is the enemy here so getting yourself worked up about not getting it up won’t do you any favors. Next, talk to your partner, chances are they are feeling alienated and a little open communication can ease tension.

If you are feeling like it isn’t stress, time, or lack of sleep that is disrupting your sex drive it doesn’t hurt to start from the source and visit your doctor. You might find that you’re suffering from low testosterone or any number of medical issues that could be putting the breaks on your libido.

couple not having sex drive after having a baby

Also… And we say this with caution… Never underestimate the power of…The Glow-Up! We know what you’re thinking…Did they really just say Glow-Up? Yes, we did, because science shows us that even in men low self-esteem directly affects libido.

Take an afternoon and get yourself cleaned up, and MAKE SURE, you make time for your partner to treat herself as well! Get the haircut, buy the new outfit…trim up around the boys down below!

Feeling a little confidence boost could help boost your libido, and hers as well.

Managing Sexual Performance After A Baby As A Father

You’ve got stress, but you’ve got support! This is an exciting time for you and your partner, just remember to take it one step at a time as you manage your sexual performance after the baby.

man with low libido using The Phoenix acoustic wave device recommended by BDEStyle

Communicating with your partner and doing stuff to make yourself feel good is going to be key to managing sexual performance as a new father. We also recommend checking out The Phoenix Li-ESWT device! If you notice a decline in sexual performance and it's not just libido, then The Phoenix will help take things a step even further with improved sex quality.

The Phoenix is a must-have device in every man's tool kit to preserve their sex life! It uses powerful targeted soundwaves to create a physiological change in the body that allows you to "get it up" easier and perform better in bed!


If you guys have thoughts on this topic or want to share your own experiences, be sure to leave a comment below or send us a message here on BDE Style. We’re a community here and we’re striving to help each other out by improving our relationships and sexual experiences!

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