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Men Aren’t Always in the Mood for Sex: The Hard Truth

Men Aren’t Always in the Mood for Sex: The Hard Truth

Contrary to the "pervasive stereotype", men are NOT constantly ready and eager for sex. Society often paints this picture of male sexuality as being perpetually high-charged and straightforward, suggesting that men are always in the mood for "rockin the bed".

This stereotype not only simplifies the complex nature of human (and male) sexuality but also places unnecessary pressure on men to conform to a VERY unrealistic and unhealthy standard.

In reality, the truth is that men, just like women, have varying levels of sexual desire and may not always be in the mood for sex.

The Myth of Constant Sexual Desire

One of the main reasons why this stereotype exists is due to societal expectations placed on men from a young age. Men are often taught to associate their masculinity with their ability to perform sexually and meet the needs of their partner.

This societal pressure can lead to feelings of shame and inadequacy if a man is not constantly in the mood for sex... or performing as he (or society has told him) should.

Additionally, media and pop culture often portray men as being HYPERsexual beings who are always ready for action. This constant reinforcement of this stereotype perpetuates the false notion that men should be ready for sex at any given moment.

As if you should just look down at your dick and command it to instantly get rock hard.

This myth not only puts unnecessary pressure on men but also ignores the fact that human sexuality is complex and influenced by a variety of factors such as stress, mood, connection, and overall well-being (which we'll get more into in just a moment).

guy thinking about sex

The "Every 7 Seconds" Myth

Another pervasive myth that further complicates our understanding of male sexuality is the claim that men think about sex every 7 seconds.

That's quite a lot!

This statistic, though widely cited, lacks a scientific basis and aims to exaggerate male sexual interest to an almost comical extent.

Every 7 seconds? How realistic is that?

Thinking about sex every 7 seconds would leave little room for men to engage in or concentrate on other important aspects of life, such as work, academics, personal growth, or even non-sexual aspects of their relationships. This exaggeration serves not only to misrepresent male sexuality but also to alienate and pressure those who do not conform to this hypersexualized ideal.

Thankfully though, we've had more resent research to put this claim to shame. In this new study, they found that males would only have sex cross their mind an average of about 19 times per day, compared to 10 times per day for women.

How Often Do You Think About Sex?

  • Every 7 seconds

  • About 19 times per day

  • Less than 19 timers per day

  • More than 19 timers per day

These findings debunk the myth of constant male sexual desire and highlight the individual differences in sexual thoughts and desires among men.

infographic on study about how much men think about sex

The Reality of Male Sexual Desire

While it's true that men generally have higher levels of testosterone than women, this doesn't necessarily translate to constant sexual desire. In fact, research has shown that male sexual desire is more influenced by psychological and emotional factors rather than just hormone levels.

Not to say that testosterone doesn't play a role, because of course it does have a big role in the biological part of sexual desire, but without the contextual scenarios or the psychosocial aspects of male sexual behavior being looked at, you're not just going to flip a switch without motivations or influences (to name a few) to want to have sex in the first place.

Stress, fatigue, relationship issues, and even mental health can all impact a man's sexual desire. And just like women, men can also experience fluctuations in their libido due to hormonal changes or life events.

For example, women are known to have a lower sex drive after childbirth due to hormonal changes and fatigue, but men can also experience a decrease in libido after becoming fathers. This is often attributed to the added stress and responsibilities of parenthood, which can cause a shift in priorities and impact sexual desire (this is the sociological factor that can impact desire in men).

It's important to recognize that male sexuality is just as complex and nuanced as female sexuality, and no one should be pressured or shamed for not conforming to societal expectations.

Men are not machines with a constant supply of sexual energy. They are complex individuals.

According to relationship therapist Sarah Hunter Murray, it's a myth that men are always in the mood for sex. Men are more emotionally complex than many people believe, and like women, they may or may not be in the mood depending on the circumstances.

Men, like all people, do not constantly crave sex, regardless of how attractive the other person is.

Instead, desire typically arises in response to certain triggers – such as a flirtatious comment or an intimate moment with their partner. So while men may not always be physically ready for sex, they still have the ability to become aroused and engage in sexual activity when the right circumstances arise.

This goes back to our discussion on spontaneous versus responsive sexual desire. Just because a man may not seem "in the mood" at a given moment doesn't mean he isn't capable of experiencing desire under the right circumstances.

couple thinking about sex together

Spontaneous vs. Responsive Sexual Desire

We'll only touch on this briefly since we've covered this topic in depth before, but it's important to note that both men and women can experience either spontaneous or responsive sexual desire.

Spontaneous desire is when a person experiences a natural urge to engage in sexual activity without any external triggers. This is often the type of desire portrayed in media and stereotypes.

On the other hand, responsive desire involves becoming aroused as a response to an external trigger, such as a partner's touch or a romantic setting (or emotional intimacy). This type of desire may be more common in men (or when the honeymoon phase ends and there is more ‘familiarity’ in the relationship), and it does not make their desire any less valid or real.

This is also an important role that plays in the quality and quantity of a person's sex life.

The Impacts of these Stereotypes on Men's Mental Health

At this point, you should have a good concept and understanding behind the myth of constant male sexuality. Now we want to take a look at just how harmful this type of misconception can have on both men and women.

The pressure to always be sexually ready and perform flawlessly can have profound psychological effects on men (or really anyone), leading to a host of mental health issues.

Anxiety, stemming from the fear of not living up to societal expectations or being unable to fulfill a partner's desires. This anxiety can escalate to a constant worry over sexual performance and readiness, which surprisingly, can further impair sexual performance and desire.

man feeling inadequate in bed and depressed

Depression can also manifest as a result of these pressures. Feelings of inadequacy, when a man compares himself to unattainable standards and finds himself lacking, can erode self-esteem and contribute to a negative self-image (negative self-talk).

This cycle of anxiety and depression can fuel each other, creating a feedback loop that is hard to break.

If you just take a moment and think about those feelings, it's hard to believe that anyone would "constantly want and be ready for sex" with that kind of weight on their shoulders.

Additionally, the internalization of these stereotypes can lead to self-doubt, affecting not only sexual relationships but also how men view their own masculinity and self worth. The consequence of this myth is not just a momentary performance issue; it's a pervasive feeling of not being 'man enough'.

Erectile Dysfunction: A Reality for Many Men

While discussing male sexual desire, we also need to address the reality of erectile dysfunction. Now most of us know that ED can be caused by various factors, including physical health issues, psychological factors, or a combination of both.

Despite common misconceptions about it, ED is not solely an issue of age. Younger men can also experience ED due to factors such as:

  • stress, performance anxiety, or relationship problems,

  • a lack of REAL sexual experience coupled with "high" sexpectations (thanks to what they internalize from porn, if they even watch it)

  • pelvic floor issues

  • or underlying health conditions.

All of which are things we just talked about as impacting sexual desire. So it only makes sense that these same issues can also contribute to struggles with erectile function.

So, what does all this mean?

It means that the myth of constant male sexual desire is not only false but can also be damaging and harmful to men's mental health. Men should not feel pressured to constantly crave sex or perform flawlessly in bed.

Not only that, but the stigma surrounding ED often prevents men from seeking help, leading to feelings of shame, embarrassment, and even depression. Further exacerbating things.

man dealing with erectile dysfunction

Changing the Conversation

It's clear that the myth of constant male sexuality has negative impacts on both men and women. That's why it's important to change the conversation around male sexual desire and debunk these harmful stereotypes.

We need to recognize that men are complex individuals with varying levels of sexual desire and response, just like women. We also need to challenge societal expectations and allow for open and honest communication about sexual desire and performance.

This includes breaking down toxic masculinity and allowing men to express their emotions without fear of being judged. It means acknowledging that men have the right to say no or not be in the mood, just like anyone else.

This is the whole core behind what we do here at BDE Style.

We also need to work on creating and promoting better sex education that includes discussions of pleasure, consent, and communication. Education is key in breaking down harmful myths and promoting healthy attitudes towards sex and sexuality.

This can be anything from educating ourselves and our partners on the realities of sexual desire and the erection process, to advocating for comprehensive sex education in schools.

rich talking about how it's ok to not always been in the mood for sex as a guy

The bottom line is that men are not constantly craving sex, and that's perfectly okay!

We need to move past these harmful stereotypes and have open, honest conversations about sexual desire and behavior. Only then can we create a society where everyone feels comfortable expressing their desires.

By changing the conversation, we can create a more inclusive and understanding society where individuals are not defined by rigid stereotypes and expectations.

The Future of Male Sexual Health: Understanding and Compassion

The myth of constant male sexuality 24/7 is damaging and inaccurate. It's time to break away from these harmful stereotypes and embrace a more comprehensive understanding of male sexual desire.

This means recognizing the complex factors that influence men's sexual desire and acknowledging that they are not machines with an endless supply of sexual energy. It also means promoting healthy communication and breaking down toxic societal expectations.

Let's strive for a future where men can feel comfortable discussing their sexual desire, without fear of judgment or pressure to constantly perform. Let's create a society that values understanding and compassion over harmful stereotypes.

This shift not only can help remove those unnecessary pressures placed on men but also can help couples create a more fulfilling and respectful relationship. Ultimately, encouraging open dialogue, challenging harmful stereotypes, and advocating for a compassionate understanding of male sexual health are crucial steps towards a society where everyone's well-being is acknowledged and valued.

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