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The Awkward Moment When You Can’t Stay Hard

Updated: May 19, 2023

Hey, it’s Erika, your favorite girl-next-door, and I’m here to tell you about something most of us have gone through. You start having sex with your partner, you feel aroused, you are ready to penetrate her… But you look down and realize that you can’t keep an erection.

As this is a man’s worst nightmare, this can affect a man’s ego and his sexual performance. It also makes us women feel like we are not attractive enough for you. And both of us just get quiet when it happens...

However, opening up a conversation about this is the best way to find out how to move past the awkwardness. I always recommend that if you have sex with anyone that it should be because you both are mature and if a problem like this arises it shouldn’t be an issue. Since we're adults here, let’s talk about it. Here’s what you and your partner can do during this awkward moment when you can’t stay hard:

For Men: Understand That This Is a Common Problem 

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the most common sexual dysfunction men suffer from, so you are not alone. It actually affects one in three men. Once you understand that this is normal and that it doesn’t affect your masculinity, you’ll put less weight on your shoulders and give yourself the chance to live a better sexual experience. Don’t forget to share this information with your partner to let her understand that she is not the problem. It can happen to any man, even when they have sex with the most beautiful woman in the world (and let her know that woman is her).

For Women: Don’t Take It Personally

While the loss of attraction is one of the risk factors for ED, we often forget the other factors that are not about us. ED can be caused by psychiatric, neurological, hormonal, venous, or endocrinal problems. When I have sex with a man who can’t keep a long-lasting erection, I understand that it is not about me and believe him when he says that it doesn’t mean that I’m unattractive or incompetent. My partner is going through some issues that may be physical or mental. We need to focus on his problem positively instead of causing more stress by taking it personally.

For Men: Focus on Her Instead of Yourself

Sexual anxiety can affect up to 25% of men and contribute to erectile dysfunction. They start to worry about their sexual performance, their penis size, their role according to masculinity standards, how to get a harder erection, and forget to think about what they enjoy about sex. Instead of thinking about yourself, think about how much you love our body, all the sensations we make you feel, and let your partner take the lead this time. Give her the chance to be in control of her own orgasms (we know what we want) and give her the opportunity to please you.

For Women: Don’t Make a Big Deal About This

Relationship issues and stress are big risk factors of ED. This is why I’d rather leave my personal problems outside the bedroom and focus on making our sexual performance better. Instead of making him feel like erectile dysfunction is a problem, I see it as an opportunity and offer my support to make sure he doesn’t feel like any less of a man. And if I’m not satisfied in bed, I’ll let him know about how to make a girl orgasm by encouraging him to do what I like instead of complaining about what I dislike. Communication is key, as long as you use it well. And for women, this doesn’t mean that you should belittle or treat him any differently. He has feelings too! You’re with him for a reason, and being supportive and actually helping him will make the bond between you two grow stronger.

For Men: Find Different Ways to Please Her

While one in four women can have vaginal orgasms, most women orgasm only from clitoral stimulation. If you are wondering how to make the best out of sex and actually give a woman an orgasm, just ask us. We are all different and while some things work for one girl, it won’t work for the next. We’re more than happy to tell you what will make us get off. What you need is some big dick energy. Be confident, without being cocky, and believe you have what it takes to please a woman no matter what is happening down there. Any girl will appreciate this and will view you as mature enough to move past any erection problem.

For Women: Try Something New

By doing the same thing, you’ll end up with the same unsatisfying sexual performance. Redefine sex by understanding that this is not only about vaginal orgasms. We can perform oral sex, mutual masturbation, anal play (your prostate is the equivalent of our g-spot), or play with sex toys. We can also pay attention to sensitive parts of your body, other than your penis to help rev up the engines. Masculinity doesn’t come only from your dick, but from you as a whole, and that’s what big dick energy is all about. Focus on solutions instead of what is going wrong.

What else can you do to intervene or actually improve the quality of sex? If your man isn't getting it up or has trouble keeping it up, and it's still awkward, then I suggest that you invest in The Phoenix device. It’s a non-invasive treatment option that can be used at home to reverse that decline in sexual performance! You can start working together and let your partner use it on you to turn it into an exciting experience.

The Phoenix shockwave device is the same technology used in men's health clinic's that want to get to bottom of sexual decline in men when it comes to getting it up and maintaining it for sex. Get yours now to improve your sexual performance!


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